I would like to note that Ericka herself mentioned that this is a chapter we should spend more time on.
“A handshake may seem innocuous, but it reveals so much about our culture of consent (or lack thereof). As a society, we must acknowledge what has informed our relationship to bodily autonomy and engage in consent in every interaction.” – Ericka Hart, Nasty Work.
What privileges allow you to move through the world without constantly negotiating consent? When have you wielded those privileges over others?
Able-bodied privilege. No one is asking me if I need help up the stairs or crossing the street. No one is moving my body with the “intention of doing a good deed”. I try to move throughout the world being cognizant of others. More so move throughout these spaces being aware of others.
How will you heal your inner child who was likely denied bodily autonomy?
By saying ‘NO’. By honoring the neurodivergent child that becomes overwhelmed by touch. That child who has now become an adult. It took me longer than it should have to realize that I have sensory processing discrepancies around touch. Using discrepancies instead of issues cause in this moment I’m analyzing my own wording. Clothing helped me figure this out. If you’ve been around long enough, you know I can’t stand the feel of stockings. Touching them? Okay. Wearing them? That’s what does me in. So I’m also seeking out fabrics that don’t make me uncomfortable. I am honoring my inner child by saying ‘no’ and choosing clothing that feels good to me.
In what ways do you benefit from systems that deny others’ bodily autonomy? What would it mean to truly divest from those benefits?
I’ve been on birth control for the past two years for my PMDD. I’ve also brought up removing my uterus quite a few times to my gyno. She doesn’t take me seriously. For our next appointment I’m going to push it. Go in with some notes and questions. I don’t want my uterus. I don’t like having a period. I understand that removing my uterus right now would be a big surgery for me. Not something I’m getting done tomorrow, something I want to have a plan for. I also understand that the reason I’m not being taken seriously is because the bodies of women are constantly being controlled. Let us also bring up hysteria and how that has been used to gaslight women about what’s going on with their bodies. Yeah, there’s the whole thing about doctors being hesitant to even discuss removal of the uterus if it isn’t needed. BECAUSE there is the assumption that I want to have children. There is the assumption that I want to give birth to a child. I bring this up because the bodies of women have always been a political playground. The bodies of Trans individuals have been a political playground. Ways for conservatives to push their cis heteronormative agendas. Policing one community only makes room to police others. To divest from these benefits is to acknowledge those that don’t benefit and why. It would take critical thinking, reading, and speaking up against policies that consistently harm us.
When has your commitment to consent been tested by social pressure or personal convenience? What did you choose and why?
In initial greetings. Mostly societal pressure, not personal convenience. If I see somebody moving for a hug, I just go with it. I choose this because it feels easier. Although! Speaking up and using my bodily autonomy feels free. It like I’m honoring myself.
Where do you see yourself unconsciously participating in nonconsensual culture? What would it take to unlearn these behaviors?
Initial greetings. I think that people feel offended by my offer of a handshake, maybe some folks are simply uncomfortable with handshakes. Maybe we can just say “hi” and wave at each other. Sounds awkward but rather that than us both adhering to some social script. In unlearning these behaviors we are gonna have to read. We are gonna have to put the reading into practice. We are gonna have to have hard conversations. It’s gong to take frequent, if not daily, practice. Nasty work is a great book to read in the journey of dismantling nonconsensual culture.
I would like to offer the F.R.I.E.S acronym created by Planned Parenthood. F.R.I.E.S is an acronym that marks key points of consent.
I share this because it notes that consent is reversible. In some conversations about consent that I have seen online, there seems to be this belief that you can’t revoke consent once you have consented. If something feels off, if you’re not into it anymore you have the right to turn that ‘yes’ into a ‘no’.
Featured Image: A photo I took at Blerdcon. The sign reads ‘COSPLAY IS NOT CONSENT’. Messages like this started being posted at cons because some folks were just touching and taking photos of people without their permission. Some also take sexy cosplay as an invitation. It’s not. It’s someone in cosplay. Someone in cosplay with bodily autonomy and boundaries. Everyone in cosplay is a person with bodily autonomy and boundaries.
Heeyyyy…..how ya’ll doin?
….yeah I know it’s September.
Not gonna lie, I took time for self during August. Cause, birthday month. On the day of my birthday I did float therapy for the first time. It was cuuute. Just in there naked and floating. By myself, although they do say couples can float together. Hell, you could go in there to float and yap with your bestie. Float therapy is a way to feel where you are holding tension in your body. Allowing yourself to relax. I would do it again at a different location.
Only two more chapters left in the Nasty Work discussion question saga. I hope you enjoy the back to back posts to drop this week. After that I’ll get back to posting weekly. Will make sure to communicate the schedule with you.
Thank you for reading and thank you for being here with me💗
Lingerie Slayer 
Thoughts?