Answering questions from chapter 8
How do you see carceral logic manifesting in your own relationships-romantic, familial, and platonic? What would it mean to actively work to remove these patterns?
I see carceral logic in how we treat some matters as a personal failure. Matters such as addiction and lack of access to funds are a product of our capitalistic society. A society that is constantly moving the goal post (i.e. subscription platforms (Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, etc) raising their prices). A society that tells you all yah need to do is pull yourself up by the boot straps. Westernized culture places much on the individual regardless of the circumstances. Removing these patterns requires community care. It requires communication and education. It would mean we have to see each other as human.
In what ways have your relationship (of all kinds) been shaped by capitalism’s emphasis on ownership and control? How might they look different if they are freed from these influences?
Someone once thought they had ownership over my body because we were having sex. Not dating, just having sex. No exclusivity what so ever. When I mentioned a prior fling, I was met with, “you can’t do that”. I knew they were having sex with other people so I don’t understand their assumption in thinking I wouldn’t/couldn’t either. It was insinuated that because I was a woman I couldn’t have sex with multiple partners. *Deep Sigh* Communication can be difficult, it can be uncomfortable, but I’d rather that than hidden expectations.
To be free from these influences would remind us we are dealing with actual people instead of objects. Reminding us of our humanity, bodily autonomy, and personal boundaries.
How can we practice transformative justice in our intimate relationships while still maintaining healthy boundaries? What’s the difference between boundaries and control?
First, what is transformative justice?. There are many definitions offered in this video. A YouTube video of scholars coming together to share their definitions of transformative justice and how we can work towards it. I would say a good portion of their definitions mention getting to the root of the cause of harm. Transformative justice is taking a radical approach to the way we view punishment and navigating harm/conflict.
Boundary (noun). Control (verb).
The difference between boundaries and control is power. Boundaries are personal lines we draw for ourselves and we control them. Control is exercising power on self and others. Controlling another person typical ignores their boundaries.
How has the state’s definition of love and relationships influenced your own understanding of intimacy? What would it mean to divorce your relationships from state validation?
The states definition of love and relationships leads me to believe that monogamy is the only relationship style. One should be married before they have children. Sex is something that is reserved for couples only, and anything outside of the missionary position is frowned upon. What does the state tell me about friendships? About community? Noooot much given the western emphasis on individualism.
I divorced my relationships from state validation the minute I decided I didn’t want children. The minute I stopped putting value into marriage. Divorcing your relationships from the state can be isolating because you’re working outside of the norm. But! I’m honoring myself and my choices. And that is powerful. That is freeing.
Featured image: Turbo Granny (Dandadan) in cat form in a bonnet on her phone in the dark. Kinda how I picture some folks reading my blog. A lil read before bed. A lil late night snack.
Toddaaayy I’m heading out to see Hope with a friend. It looks sick af! I’m curious about the entities that I’ve seen in the previews. They look really cool. Super excited to see this one. Next week the new Resident Evil movie drops. Will surely be seeing that one. Saw Fall 2: Deadpoint last week. Maybe I’ll compile my thoughts on that and publish it here.
In personal news, I removed all social media from my phone that I’m not using in a professional manner. So I’m only active on Digital Sex Ed currently. Social media is loud. I’m quite tired of the racism, transphobia, whorephobia, and cock sucking for capitalism. I feel like I’ve been watching more content instead of creating and I don’t like that. I don’t want that for myself. I don’t want to lose hours scrolling. Now someone might point out, oh that’s just your algorithm. Mmmm, I would say there has been an obvious shift in social media. An influx of ads, misinformation, folks actively going out of their way to miss the point, rage baiting, lack of critical thinking. Enough. I’ve had enough. So this is where I’m at right now, and I don’t see it changing any time soon.
With all that being said, this post now comes to a close. Thank you for reading and thank you for being here with me💕
Lingerie Slayer 
Thoughts?