TW: Sexual assault; rape.
As things unfold at Cornell University, I am reminded of other moments that have displayed the culture that we live in. A culture not founded on consent. A rape culture.
And what exactly is rape culture?
Rape culture is telling young girls that that boy is bullying them because he likes her. It’s invalidating how she feels about the experience and normalizing abuse early on. I remember an aunt telling me that when a boy bullied me in middle school. I wanted nothing to do with him and let that be known. In high school he then went on to say that I had performed sexual acts on him when I didn’t even hold his hand. We didn’t go to the same high school If not for a friend calling me to ask about it, I would have never known. I confronted him about this and I don’t remember getting an apology, I don’t remember anything other than him standing there like a weird bitch. That was the first instance where someone felt they were entitled to my body. Entitled to my body simply because he desired my body.
Rape culture is uttering “boys will be boys”. Rape culture is a fellow student in an undergrad class feeling okay to say “ugly girls don’t cry rape” amongst complete strangers. Rape culture is a fraternity having a damned reputation but still being able to participate in Greek events.
During undergrad I remember a fraternity that was referred to as “Kappa Date Rape”. No one ever said, “Oh it’s just rumors”. I only heard “Don’t go into that house”. Despite their reputation they were still allowed to participate in Greek life like any other fraternity. I had little interaction with members of their organization. I remember seeing them in their hoodies on campus and that was about it.
Although one day their name would be brought up during a meeting with my sorority. Greek lettered organizations were being paired up for Greek Week. To my abhorrent surprise we had been paired with ‘Kappa Date Rape’. My vote was an immediate no. I wanted nothing to do with them and would have nothing to do with them. I was met with a few blank stares and some pushback. I held firm in my no. I told them they could do whatever they wanted to do, but I would not be participating. I of course told them why. Apparently a few of my members were not aware of their reputation. We did not move forward with that pairing. Looking back, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when someone had to report in our ‘no’.
As the Cornell University case proceeds, I am reminded of the many instances that have shown me the rape culture we live in. Doesn’t help that I’ve been working on a personal project involving stories of sexual assault. Doesn’t help that I had a nightmare days before that involved me being sexually assaulted and not being believed. I’m taking breaks here and there, but I’m letting the rage be. This anger is justified. Like how dare people think that doxing Jane Doe (the individuals seeking justice in this case) is appropriate? That’s full on harassment. Why cause more pain?
The way victims are treated is another example of rape culture. Looking to tear someone a part in search of the “perfect victim” is obscene. There is absolutely no need with the detailed document that accompanies this case. I have not read through the document, and honestly I’m not searching for it right now. Reading news articles detailing specific parts has been hard. The Snapchat group from this fraternity shows the kind of individuals they are and the kind of activities they participated in. The fact that they invited their entire fraternity to participate in the rape of this young woman shows the kind of people that they are. The kind of people they invite into their organization, and the kind of values they uphold.
This is rape culture. We can not turn a blind eye to it. We can not ignore it. It is uncomfortable to talk about, and we must talk about it.
In writing this post I stand with Jane Doe and other survivors of sexual assault.
Featured image is Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture by Roxane Gay. When I’m trying to make sense of the world I turn to my bookshelf.
Thank you for reading, thank you for being here with me and I’ll see you on the next one💕
Thoughts?