We are almost done ya’ll. If you’re just tuning in, feel free to explore previous posts in this series. Feel free to leave an answer for any and all questions.
I finished the book over the weekend. Since Chapter 10 didn’t have discussion questions I’ll save my full thoughts on the book for that breakdown. ☺️
How have you internalized anti-Blackness notions of gender? What would it mean to fully reject those standards?
The idea that only long hair is feminine. The idea that my hair must be stretched out to show length in order to be seen as feminine. The idea that my hair must be straightened and pushed down. I do love a 30inch buss down, now. And I love my 4C hair. The relationship I have with my natural hair is taking precedence. Just wearing my hair, wearing my natural afro. Sometimes I pick it out, sometimes I wash and go. (I did not mean for that to rhyme.) Shrinkage was something that concerned me, but it’s okay. It’s not hurting me, it’s not damaged hair. Just my coils holding onto each other. Loving on each other, being close.
Rejecting previous standards I mentioned is rejecting these bullshit respectability politics and giving the hair on my head autonomy. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks I should do with my hair. I don’t give a fuck how people want me to shape my fro. My hair is healthy and loved and thats all that matters.
To reject these standards means I’m doing something radical. Although I don’t think it should be. More so I don’t want it to be. But it is, because the hair on Black people is constantly policed. Current threads discourse is talking about how bonnets shouldn’t be worn on a college campus. Hell the crown act had to be passed because locs and other Black natural hairstyles were seen as unprofessional.
Okay. It is fucking radical.
When do you find yourself policing Black gender expression, even subtly? What fears or assumptions drive that behavior?
One time while I was driving I happened to see a Black man on a motorcycle. He was riding this motorcycle and had his legs swinging back and forth on either side of the motorcycle. I was a little shook cause I had never seen that before. I ain’t ever seen anybody do that on a motorcycle while it was in motion. My immediate thought was “oh he’s having a day.”, but then I thought, what if he was just being whimsical? I do assume that most men don’t indulge in whimsical activities as they are often times associated with feminine like qualities. And well, I grew up around men that didn’t think a young boy should play with teddy bears and frowned upon having to carry anything pink.
How do you participate in systems that deny Black people freedom of gender expression? What would real solidarity require?
Assuming pronouns. Real solidarity is asking people their pronouns and giving folks the space to tell you their pronouns. Mine are She/Her, what are yours? Leave a lil comment if yah like. Solidarity is also owning up to when you’ve addressed someone wrong and correcting it.
When we form groups whether they be online or in-person (for hobbies, just to chat, etc.) we lose out on getting to know fellow members of our community when we don’t make pronouns a factor in introductions. In my field it’s pretty normal to ask folks their pronouns and make it a piece of intros. The good ole “Widener Bubble” spoiled me in that regard.
For cis people, how can you begin or continue to interrogate how you came to know your gender and how your gender identity and expression are contingent upon someone else’s being suppressed?
What is my gender? Am I cis? These are questions for me that I’m just asking out loud. Your perception of my gender is irrelevant. I’m examining my relationship to femininity, I’m examining my relationship to masculinity. I’m examining what it would look like to not think within this binary code. To not be in this binary. Maybe I’m genderqueer? I flirt with the idea of having no gender, and I kinda like that tbh.
I’m also unpacking gender being associated with specific colors, hobbies, clothing, etc.. Unpacking that for me and what meaning I attach to all that. Internal work unpacking nasty work.
Yeah yeah! Feels good to get these out. Feels even better when the answers flow right out. When I’m not censoring myself. When I let you into the thought process of Lucas.
Featured image is Najimi. One of my favorite genderless anime characters from one of my favorite anime. I love Komi Can’t Communicate cause it’s about friendship and letting folks show up in ways that feel comfortable to them. I know I’m a horror babe, but I love me a good slice of life. A nasty slice of life that I’ve been enjoying is Chainsmoker Cat. Episodes leave me with my mouth touching the floor and yet I still pull up for a new one every week.
Just how I hope you’re pulling up for a new post here every week
A lil yap session at the end ain’t ever hurt nobody. Thank you for being here with me, thank you for reading! Feel free to give your own answers to a few questions or just one in the comments. I’ll see yah next time, slayers💗
Lingerie Slayer 
Thoughts?