Had a rough time in therapy. A rough go because I opened up about something quite traumatic. Self-care was at the top of my to-do list. I usually build Tuesdays up to be pretty lax for this very reason.
Therapy was scheduled a little later than usual. Finished up my hour, and then drove out to one of my favorite parks. I grabbed my blanket from the car and planned to walk a bit before claiming a spot. Didn’t make it far before a shady spot under a tree by the water caught my attention. Laid out my blanket and got to reading. The goal was to finish chapter 4 before leaving.
And so I did.
How does cis-heteropatriarchy show up in your relationships?
I’m not sure. Although, that doesn’t mean it isn’t showing up. I think it shows up when gender is assigned to tasks. When the most random of activities is assigned to a specific gender. I need to do more unpacking here. More thought. I’m thinking about my friendships because I don’t currently have any romantic relationships. Cis-heteropatriachy shows up when something is shoved off as an activity that only men do, that only women do.
Are these certain roles in relationships that you apply to masculinity and femininity?
Yes, but it’s not conducive to the life I want to live. I’m constantly unpacking what it means to be masculine and what it means to be feminine. I have caught myself falling into the roles for someone deemed feminine and it doesn’t always feel like me. I cook out of love (and necessity), not because someone is expecting me to do it. I clean cause I like a de-cluttered space, not because someone expects this of me. I bring up cooking and cleaning because I constantly see it come up as the feminine role of what one does in lesbian relationships. Something that might be expected of me because I identify as feminine Mostly online chatter honestly. Chatter that doesn’t have a Queer foundation and is taking everything it knows from heteronormativity. I was brought up in a heteronormative household so things like the masculine person taking out the trash and the feminine person cooking are what I was introduced to.
Are you assuming young people in your life are straight?
Nope! Young folks have more access to words and information about identity than I did. Because of this I think they have more access to spaces that allow them to question identity. Their friends aren’t looking at them sideways when they mention identifying as something other than straight or cisgender.
In what ways could you be harboring homophobic bias? Yes, even in your queer relationship.
Floating in those gender roles and not talking about them.
Do your relationships feel more like a business deal than reciprocal exchange of communication and intimacy?
No. I enjoy being around my people. And that can be it. Just sharing space and doing our own thing. Breaking silence every now and then to have a laugh and/or vent about something on our minds. I have had relationships where someone would only talk to me when they needed something. Those were draining. Those helped me figure out what I want relationships to feel like. I’m working on my communication and feelings around intimacy. Around touch (as I have talked about frequently here).
I’m treating these like discussion questions I would answer for a class. Please don’t grade me. I know wholeheartedly that some of these could have a little “more”, but I’m not sure what that is at this current moment.
I made a substack, haven’t posted anything yet. I have three empty stacks waiting for me. Personal, Everything Horror, and Sex Ed. I’m seeing Evil Dead Thursday. Excited because I’ve been waiting for this one and will surely have much to write about. Friday I’m getting acupuncture for the third time.
Ending the week on a good note.
Thank you for reading and I’ll see yah for the next one.💕
P.S.-Ya’ll are slayers. The slayers are my online community. I’m claiming it. I’m standing in it. Love ya’ll.
Lingerie Slayer 
Thoughts?