“The question is: Will you still want the same things when you become a different animal all together?” – Dr. Siggi Wilzig, Fallout Series.
Ever hear a quote and it just ✨hits✨ in the moment? Feels like a series of words that you’re awarded that you didn’t know you needed. The above quote was that for me. Imagine I’m just hyped binging fallout and I get hit with this.
Change.
It’s scary. Challenging. Sometimes needed. Changing is a challenge, perhaps a challenge of acceptance. Mmm, more so recognition of ourselves in that moment.
Recognition of myself. I have felt so odd talking about myself in this space recently. Because I started to feel the “everything is fine, everything is great” pull of social media. A kind of pull where sharing intimate details that weren’t positive felt out of place.
I had a dream last night…..someone told me Happy Birthday.
I started this post last August. August 2024. Chile, I don’t even know how to keep going with this one. But we must.
Present Lucas, writing this in December 2025:
This time last year I was stressed out finalizing assignments for a class. The class that stood between me and graduation. Spoiler alert, I graduated, walked for graduation, and then went to see the new Final Destination film in the same day. I’m still not over it. If you had told me that I would be graduating with my masters in sex education and seeing Final Destination 6 on the same day I would have looked at you like you knew something I didn’t. Like you were some mystical being sent from another dimension. (Maybe I am in another dimension.) Yeah, so did that.
I feel like I’ve come a long way with therapy, medication, and birth control for my PMDD. Fortunately, I haven’t had a depressive episode in quite some time. Unfortunately, I am dealing with grief. Or maybe it’s fortunate that I can feel these feelings? Having feelings isn’t bad. Feeling emotions is normal, it’s what you do with the feeling.
I have experienced a loss this year, that I feel I still can’t put into words. It’s always on my mind when I make these blog posts but I don’t know how I feel about discussing death on the internet at this time.
Death is a touchy subject. And I’ve never had to write about death before. So I grieve, I cry, I remember. I do what feels right to me.
Time with friends has also been healing for me. I was able to take my first international trip for a friend’s birthday. Days spent exploring, lounging around, and eating some damn good food. I swam in a cenote (with a life vest) and that was pretty fucking cool.
Throwing more lore in here, let it be known I damn near cut my finger off taking out my faux locs. I thought I was cutting hair. I was not. I’m talking blood going. They had to glue the skin back down, honey. Gave me a nice little splint for my finger and sent me on my way. I just wanted you to know that.
I also found myself in Miami this summer. Never been there before. Sorority sister’ed so hard I ended up celebrating a sorors birthday and one of her actual birth sisters’ birthday. It was fun as hell, but that Miami airport was something else. Chile, hold on cause I just remembered what happened.
So I was flying with Frontier, and I know they have an issue with pushing back flights. To an annoying extent. I was in that airport for hours. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m getting a headache (which is unusual for me, I thought it was a nasal headache, we’ll find out more later). Babes, I want to go home. The plane finally gets to the gate, but we can’t get on because they gotta get the police. Chile, a fight broke out on the plane. I shit you not. I didn’t even care what happened, once they told us we couldn’t get on the plane I went and I tried my damndest to find some food. I come back and the pilot wanna have a word with us, like we’re the class that caused the issue. Don’t be mad at me because your 1st period was drawlin. We’re tired, we don’t care, did you clean it up? Cool, we wanna go home. I got home at 6 in the morning. I shoulda been home, at 12. Yah know, life happens. And! And it turns out I had a headache and felt completely fatigued is because I had covid. From partying on the beach to quarantine. That took up most of my July, not even gonna hold you.
August. This August. August 2025.
I spent my 32nd birthday at the spa. I love a sauna. I love a hot tub. I love heat. I enjoy being hot. (A long time ago, I decided that I couldn’t complain during the summer and the winter. I had to pick one. So I’m not a huge fan of being cold. I bitch during the winter, lay down and tan during the summer.) I spent my day going back and forth between the dry saunas, reading Mieruko-Chan, snacking, and finished with the bathhouse. I can forgo a massage, but I need that sauna time. It’s not a spa day for me unless I have sauna time.
Oweee, I’ve been sitting here filling this one in randomly. Not really, but if you find some parts that seem to be outta place, don’t worry. They are indeed where they need to be. Now if you find a type? You must report it to your pillow immediately. Your pillow will then communicate this to the grand pillow sphere. This information will find my pillows. They will deny me rest as a consequence for my lack of attention to detail.
Sat down to eat, and started writing on the side.
How have you been? How do you feel now that this year is over? December is flying by too fast. Christmas is next week. And then it’s a whole new year. A whole new year to kick some ass.
Thank you for reading! Thank you for stopping by.💕💖💕
Lingerie Slayer 
Thoughts?